Hypnosis for Sexual Performance
Sex…..sex…..sex that thing that we’re not supposed to talk about and no one tells you how or what to do, so you have to magically become an expert through trial and error. I am not even remotely an expert in sex, but I can definitely share a few things I’ve learned along the way from healing my own sexual issues.
Unfortunately, there is a lot of shame wrapped up in sex. We hear many messages about sex when we’re young, most of them negative which can impact our entire future sexual life. As a woman, I received many cultural messages such as:
If you like sex you’re a whore
Having lots of sex means you’re a slut and easy
You asked for it
Men only want one thing from you
You owe men sex
You should get off from just penetration
Our pleasure is for others and not for ourselves
We should be ready as fast as guys
That either you orgasm or not.
That there are only clitoral orgasms
If you aren't wet something is wrong with you
That there is a right and wrong way to pleasure ourselves
Masturbating is wrong/ you’re dirty if you masturbate
I ran a poll, and these are some of the messages men receive in American culture about sexual performance:
If the girl doesn’t finish you’re not doing your job right
She’s not into you if you have to use lube
If she needs a toy then you’re doing something wrong
Penis size matters
If I ejaculate too fast she’ll make fun of me
I should always be ready for sex
I can only want sex from a woman
Masturbating is wrong/ you’re dirty if you masturbate
Jesus. How in the world can you enjoy yourself if you have ideas like this in your mind, let alone give pleasure to your partner? If you add in worries about how you look naked that just ups the anxiety. This doesn’t even take relationship issues into account.
All of this is to say that there can be a lot in our minds that gets in the way of our sexual performance. How can hypnosis help with this? By removing the insecurities and upgrading your mind with positive ideas about yourself and your abilities.
The easiest way to start is by using self-hypnosis. Use the steps detailed here with these affirmations:
More and more now I am confident in my body and how I look.
I release the past therefore I am present in the moment and allow myself to feel pleasure.
More and more now I know and deeply feel I am perfect as I am.
Because I value connecting with my partner I happily engage in sex with them.
I naturally ask my partner what is pleasurable for them and easily share what pleasures me therefore I enjoy sex more and more.
Because I understand that women need foreplay I joyfully engage in foreplay all day with my partner by complimenting her, joking with her, and focusing on connecting more.
I know that anything that enhances my partner's pleasure is good therefore I happily ask if they want to use lube or toys.
Because I know there are many ways to pleasure my partner I am happy with the size of my penis.
I naturally connect with my partner through laughter and play therefore we are more connected and happily enjoy sex together.
More and more now I feel safe.
It is right and good for me to feel pleasure therefore I joyfully allow myself to feel pleasure in my body.
It is right and good to enjoy sex therefore I give myself permission to enjoy sex.
Because I know every person’s body is different I joyfully learn what feels pleasurable to me.
Sex starts in your mind, but letting someone into your mind can be scarier than getting physical together.
This fantastic quote from Glennon Doyle sums it up perfectly - “It is easier for me to let you into my vagina than into my mind” from the We Can Do Hard Things episode 105 Restart Your Sex Life with Dr. Lori Brotto. A great two-part podcast on sex, episodes 104 & 105 on We Can Do Hard Things.
Pick the top one to three affirmations that speak to you and work with those for a few weeks. Take action on them and remind yourself at the moment that it is right and good to enjoy sex. Pleasure is everyone’s right. If you give this a real go, you have my word that it will be effective. Enjoy, you deserve it!
Resources
If you’ve had sexual trauma collapsing it with hypnotherapy can get you back to enjoying your body and connecting with your partner. Schedule a consult here.
Creating a safe, trusting connection with your partner is the best way to create more satisfaction and trust in your sexual performance. Find ways to connect more with your partner on deeper levels. If you’re struggling with connecting to your body or with your partner I recommend the amazing Sex Witch Erin. Connect with her here https://www.erinberrybliss.com/
If you have no idea what to try in the bedroom but you want to learn more then https://beducated.com/courses/ is a great resource you can use at home. For solos and partnerships!
Bonus: A hilarious interview on sex education from Sue Johansen below!
