Doing the Hard Work to get to the Fun Part
“Wait, what? These activities I do can be fun?” I sarcastically said to my husband as we waited in the lift line to ski at Arapahoe Basin.
Physical activity hadn’t been something fun for me for many years. After being a forced couch potato for about two years from my illness, I completely lost my muscle mass. I then spent 2-3 years trying to get it back the wrong way by throwing myself head into activities that were beyond my current skill level. A cycle of doing a big hike, hurting myself, then not doing much activity for months. Then rinse and repeat.
In 2021 I started back with the basics. Building my core. I did private pilates lessons and was guided at my level to a greater core strength. Finally gaining base muscle mass from which to build on. And I kept at. Doing things like hiking, some climbing here and there and walking a lot.
Lo and behold my right leg started giving me problems this year and I just about lost the will to give a shit anymore. At every turn I’d end up back in pain and just forcing myself to try and do physical stuff so that I could get back to a point where it was fun. Between the start of my illness and now it’s been six and a half years. 6.5 years of this. I’ll admit I gave up more than once and said screw it.
But a part of me wanted to get back to all the outdoor activities I loved, something where I got to spend fun quality time with my husband.
That part of me kept pushing. I did make progress even if it was hard to see most of the time. And I never 100% gave up. Yes I took breaks and let myself feel the shittiness of all of it, but I kept going. Kept healing day by day in every way.
The exciting part is that it’s paying off now. All that work and effort has resulted in decent muscle mass in my body where I actually asked my husband if I could ski with him this weekend. Felt nervous and excited about going and had fun doing it!
My legs felt full of strength and power as I glided down the hills, in control of my movements. Engaging muscle after muscle again and again. Even finishing strong by doing a blue the whole way down. I hadn’t felt this way in my body since my early days of climbing ten years ago.
All the hard work does pay off, keep going. You’ll get there. Take some time to really look at the progress you’ve made. When you stop looking at how far you have to go and instead see how far you’ve come it empowers you to keep taking steps forward. This is the biggest mentality switch I’ve had the last year, that put everything into an encouraging and uplifting perspective.
Today as I am writing this I remembered a conversation with my coach this summer. I was struggling and told him I was afraid I’d never succeed because I hadn’t succeeded at anything yet.
His response - “Evidence?”
Me - “Well I always struggled in tax and now to get clients in hypnotherapy the last few years ”
Him - Stares at me
Me - “Oh I healed my body though”
Me - “Holy crap I’m beyond successful! I healed from an illness the doctors told me I’d be stuck with for life”
Him - “Exactly, now carry the success energy forward into your business. You are a success, it isn’t always based on money”
This is honestly one of my favorite challenges he gave me. When I came in with the fears and used the words “never” or “always” he challenged me to give evidence. And every time I would start to say why and instantly a thought would come to disprove it. “Oh that isn’t actually true” was my common response once I moved the conversation out of my head and had to talk it through.
My challenge to you is the same. When you have those fears pop up and the “I never” or “it always” is attached, challenge it by asking “evidence”. Talk it through out loud with yourself, or a friend. Journaling is also a great option.
The journey isn’t easy, but healing is always worth it.
Resources:
My amazing pilates instructor Sandra
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeZ9SAWZF5q1Mmu8dF7Y1Iw
Madfit is also an amazing resource for working on fitness