Overcoming Commitments that Cause Anger and Frustration

I’ve got it all together… don’t I?

Recently I’ve become aware of how I wear an “I’ve got it all together” persona in public. To a certain extent, I have my sh*t together with purpose and direction in life, which I openly discuss with others. This gives the aura of being “put together.”

I hide my struggles because it’s my pattern and what I was taught to do. The main difference is I’ve learned to use the turmoil to continue healing and learning about myself.

The biggest lesson to come out of my journey is to learn and know that healing is a journey, it is not an endpoint you reach one day, and suddenly everything is perfect. There is no “one and done” fix, no matter how much you hope and pray there is. It’s all about leaning into the journey, engaging with what you discover as you go, and integrating what you’ve learned.

As part of pulling down my “I’ve got it together” mask I am sharing a struggle, I worked through this year. TLDR; it’s my journey of learning that I have to do what is suitable for me at the moment, regardless of any previous commitments I’ve made. Skip to the bottom for a thought exercise I’ve made for you! Link Here

How I Fell off of a Mountain

We’ve all made commitments in life that we either wish we hadn’t or, at some point, become a wrong fit for us, and we have no clue how to escape it. Last December, I signed on to be a practical skills coach with the Hypnotherapy School I was attending. OMG, the fricking ego boost was enormous. As a new graduate, they wanted me to come back and guide future students. I was fanning like a male peacock that day. “Check me out; I’m so amazing and wonderful,” energy just radiated from me.  (side note: I do think of myself as wonderful and unique, as we all should, this time, it was pouring from an ego-centered place that was not healthy).

I dove in head first, getting training to be a coach for the school and ticking off an extensive to-do list that I only had five weeks to get through before the next semester began. Boom, the school started mid-January, and I was off to the races, spending excessive time and energy as a practical skills coach. As a result, my business suffered heavily. The time I had to spend on the coaching far exceeded just the hours being on camera with the students. And it is an incredibly delicate environment where I began to feel caged in on what I could do and how I could present myself.

I made it through March and the end of the semester. Finally able to focus 100% on my business and growing it. The whole point of getting more education was to better serve my clientele with a more extensive toolbox than I had. It was a blast to dive into my local community and get connected. Things were ramping up due to a fantastic coach I hired in early April. Just as I was getting to a major rockin’ and rollin’ point, the next school semester began the last week of May.

I dreaded looking at my calendar and seeing how much time was blocked off to coach at the school. In April, I brought up the idea of them hiring more coaches by September so that all the coaches could divvy up the semester and have more freedom to focus on their individual practice. They were open to this and had already been considering it. This gave me hope that I could make both things work, coaching students and having my practice. That hope faded as the semester came closer and closer, a looming mountain sliding rapidly toward me.

Emotional Roller Coasters, Sheesh.

Have you ever been on the “commitment emotional rollercoaster?” It’s a doozy. It goes something like this:

“I’m doing this, I’ve committed, and they are counting on me.”

“Holy hell, I need to get out of this; it is burning up my time and energy and is not right for me anymore.”

“But I’ve committed, so I must at least stick out this semester and then quit.”

*Anger, rage, feeling trapped, wishing for freedom, denying my inner knowing, sadness, fear*

*resignation*

“Ok, I’m doing it, but I’m going to spend the entire summer being frustrated, annoyed, trapped, and losing out on opportunities to fulfill my calling.”

The week before school, I sat through a staff meeting, resigned, but committed to this summer. “I can’t just cut out now; they need me…...right?”

A grating conversation occurred the Sunday before school started on Monday. And the absolute feeling of just how wrong this role is for me crystalizes within.

Unfortunately for all involved, I ignored this inner knowing because I had committed. School begins, and I grin and bear it. I don’t mind being on camera and working with the students; but I know it’s not where I’m meant to be.

Luckily, the universe saved me from making a colossal mistake (again)(I do require a brick to the head from the universe waaayy too often). Tuesday morning, I have my weekly meeting with my coach. After I finish pouring all of this at her feet and how I will a thousand percent be quitting after this semester, she looks at me and says: “Do you need to be done with this now?”

A resounding “yes” bursts from my lips. “Then do it,” she responds.

We spend the next 10 minutes talking through how I need to do what’s right for me and that it’s okay to change your mind and re-consider your commitments if they are not suitable for you. I get to a place of comfort and knowledge; now I have to make the call and quit!

The Emotional Roller Coaster Ensues

“Are they going to be mad at me? Will they hate me for jumping ship three days into the semester? Is this going to explode the relationship to my detriment since these people also control the board that certifies me”

*Fear, anger, upset, frustration, exhaustion*

Doing what I do best, I create an affirmation to program into my subconscious:

“It is right, good, necessary, and natural to do what is right for me. Therefore I easily do what is right for me.”

I develop and speak this to myself as I drive 45 minutes Tuesday evening. As I say it, a modified ending flows from my lips.

“It is right, good, necessary, and natural for me to do what is right for me; therefore, I easily resign from my position at the school Wednesday evening.”

The absolute rightness of this floods my body. Freedom and lightness enter me as this truth is released upon the world.

And so, it was. I worked with my affirmation through Wednesday and waited for the appropriate, right time Wednesday evening. I had a brief discussion with my boss about how it wasn’t the right fit for me, and then gave me two weeks’ notice (precisely as any other job). Thursday morning, he calls back and says, “how about you just be done as of yesterday?” My soul soars as my freedom and autonomy are fully restored to me.

Then I go out and F*cking crush it the next week, signing several new clients, getting workshops sorted out, and living my most authentic, right (for me) life.

Let's get you feeling better!

Struggling with low mood, anger, or rage at things in your life then try out this exercise!

1.  What commitments do you currently have?

2.  List the top emotions you feel about each one

3.  Are there any that:

a.  No longer feel right

b.  Suck your time and energy with no/little reward

c.   Feel out of alignment with what you know you want to do

4.  If you released this/these commitments, what would you gain, e.g.:

a.  Freedom

b.  Autonomy

c.   Self-trust

d.  Time

e.  Energy

Take three deep breaths, and exhale slowly. Tune into your body by closing your eyes and gazing downward with your eyes closed.

Notice how you feel as you think of releasing this commitment from your life. Do you feel lighter, more accessible, and uplifted? Then it’s time to make an updated choice. Are you willing to do what it takes to release this commitment from your life? 

If you want to release it but need help overcoming fear or other emotions, then my Clarity Session is perfect for you. Schedule a consult here to learn more.